Pain Heels.....I Need a Hero

Remember the name.......

Commish's Pick: Semi-Final Erin(Eric) vs. Beers

Hughes Your Momma vs. Bringing Sexy Back

Quarterbacks
Erin: Carson Palmer (vs. St. Louis, at San Francisco)
Brian: Tony Romo (at Detroit, vs. Philadelphia), Tom Brady (vs. Pittsburgh, vs. New York Jets)

Better Player: Brian
Better Matchups: Brian
As they’ve done all season, Brian’s Quarterbacks (I imagine Romo this week, Brady next) will be his best hope. How close Erin can come to Brian’s QB production will be the key to this matchup.


Runningbacks
Erin: Ladainian Tomlinson (at Tennessee, vs. Detroit), Kolby Smith (at Denver, Tennessee) or Brandon Jacobs/Reuben Droughns (at Philadelphia, vs. Washington)
Brian: Willis McGahee (vs. Indianapolis, at Miami), Shaun Alexander (vs. Arizona, at Carolina) or LenDale White (vs. San Diego, at Kansas City)

Better Players: Erin
Better Matchups: Brian
LT trumps all, even though McGahee and Alexander ran better last week.

Wide Receivers
Erin: Chad Johnson (vs. St. Louis, at San Francisco), Greg Jennings (vs. Oakland, at St. Louis)
Brian: Joey Galloway (at Houston, vs. Atlanta), Larry Fitzgerald (at Seattle, at New Orleans), Laveranues Coles (vs. Cleveland, at New England)

Better Players: Erin
Better Matchups: Erin
Jennings has been a pleasant surprise as a $1 keeper for Erin. Beers did what he had to do and traded for Fitzgerald to make the differential less than it would’ve been otherwise.


Tight End
Erin: Tony Gonzalez (at Denver, vs. Tennessee)
Brian: Kellen Winslow II (at New York Jets, Buffalo)

Better Players: Push
Better Matchups: Brian
Winslow is used more as a receiver, Gonzalez more of a red zone target. Its apples and oranges here.
.

Defense
Erin: Giants (at Philadelphia, vs. Washington), Pittsburgh (at New England, vs. Jacksonville)
Brian: Cowboys (at Detroit, vs. Philadelphia)

Better Players: Erin
Better Matchups: Erin
Erin hopes the Giants duplicate their performance in their last game vs. Philly. Brian has stuck with the Cowboys D all season long.
.

Kicker
Erin: Neil Rackers (at Seattle, at New Orleans)
Brian: Adam Vinatieri (at Baltimore, at Oakland)

Better Player: Push
Better Matchups: Erin
I mean really, its kickers what’s the big difference.

Prediction: Erin can’t win without a big performance between the Bengals or LT. This one should be close but I’ve had a feeling Bill and Beers were on a collision course all season and I won’t stray from that. I take Brian.

Commish's Preview: Semi-Final Dan vs. Bill

Koolaid=American Hero! vs. Money in the Bank

Quarterbacks
Dan= Brett Favre (vs. Oakland, at St. Louis)
Bill= Drew Brees (vs. Chicago, vs. Arizona)

Better Player= Bill
Better Matchups=Dan
Unless Bill gets cute and starts Warner vs. New Orleans next week, these are your quarterbacks. Favre’s injury evens up this aspect of the matchup. I expect both quarterbacks to get 15-20 points each week.

Runningbacks
Dan= Adrian Peterson (vs. San Francisco, vs. Chicago), Earnest Graham. (vs. Houston, vs. Atlanta) or Laurence Maroney (vs. Pittsburgh, vs. New York Jets)
Bill= Clinton Portis (vs. Chicago, at New York Giants), Chester Taylor (vs. San Francisco, vs. Chicago) or Edgerrin James (vs. Seattle, at New Orleans) or Adrian Peterson (at Washington, at Minnesota), or Nobody (Three WRs)

Better Players= Dan
Better Matchups= Dan
Bill didn’t get here on RB play, that’s for sure. Dan’s Adrian Peterson needs to score 50 points in the two weeks combined for Dan to have a shot.

Wide Receivers
Dan= Hines Ward (at New England, vs. Jacksonville), Brandon Marshall (vs. Kansas City, at Houston)
Bill= Randy Moss (vs. Pittsburgh, vs. New York Jets), Terrell Owens (at Detroit, vs. Philadelphia), with Plaxico Burress (at Philadelphia, Washington) as a possible third WR

Better Players= Bill
Better Matchups= Bill
The disparity here is why Dan is such an underdog. Although defenses have been more effective against Moss, that still doesn’t keep him out of the endzone at least once.

Tight End
Dan= Vernon Davis (vs. Minnesota, vs. Cincinnati)
Bill= Jason Witten (at Detroit, vs. Philadelphia)

Better Players= Bill
Better Matchups= Bill
Dan’s the only playoff team without any TE production. He’ll need it to catch up on WR points.

Defense
Dan= Vikings (at San Francisco, vs. Chicago)
Bill= Packers (vs. Oakland, at St. Louis)

Better Players= Push
Better Matchups= Push
Both defenses can turn out strong performances both weeks.

Kicker
Dan= Jeff Reed (at New England, Jacksonville)
Bill= Nick Folk (at Detroit, Philadelphia)

Better Player= Bill
Better Matchups= Bill
Reed is kicking in cold New England then on crappy turf at home in Jacksonville, Folk plays for Dallas.

Prediction: Unless AP has a special two weeks, I see Bill dominating both weeks on his way to the championship. But as Bill can tell you, I’ve been wrong before.

Ding F'n Dong

I've been waiting to use this for weeks. This is my team's inspiration for the playoffs. Let's get it on boys!

My Hero

Poor Kevin, he has more tough losses than anyone I think. Yesterday was a double stomach punch since it was his team that cost him the fantasy W. I won by 2, but last night with :19 to play I was down one to Kevin and praying for an interception or fumble. Thank you AJ!

4th and Lynches...

Ready to be Heroes...(some bad language)

4th and Lynches will have to be Perfect...

But what is perfect?...



This is "perfect" because Bill's team kind of reminds me of Dallas-Carter, right down to their coach

Message for Derek(safe for work)

To Beat Bill...

4th and Lynches must "fight for that inch"....

My new logo...

I wish ESPN would you let you upload files for logos, but I have to settle for this.

Alllllllmost there....

7 points from Reggie Wayne and Josh is vanquished! Revenge!

Have You Heard The News?

SCZAnation 2.0 has launched.

Don't think Beers did this...

But it is HYSTERICAL!!

Commish = Frustrated.

Poor Commish Derek.

Here are the highlights of his weekend...

• Syracuse Lost



• Broncos Lost



• They were out of chips & extra chucky salsa at that grocery store



• Three players were "GTD", or "Game Time Decisions" on his fantasy team



• One other starter, Deion Branch, got jacked up & left during the second quarter of the game



• Derek lost to Greco by 40+ points.



• AND.....Laurence Maroney was inactive again and is now only on target to rush for 806 yards, below the 1,000 yard threshold which means he will not receive a compensatory 2nd round draft pick as of now.

Needless to say, The Commish had a very rough weekend......

Tuesday Morning Hangover

Some thoughts on the weekend.

• Went 4-1 on my predictions.
• Would have been 5-0, but my team didn't deliver - (translation, FU Ronnie Brown, Hines Ward and Vernon Davis)
• There were a myriad of injuries this weekend that will definitely impact the fantasy landscape moving forward.

Key Injuries:

Steven Jackson:

• Skinny: The skinny is that Jackson will miss at least one week with a partially torn groin. This must hurt on so many levels for him.
• Team Impact: Lucky for Josh he has Portis to substitute in for now.
• Fantasy Impact: Ladies & Gentleman, let me introduce you to Brian Leonard. Unfortuneately, the entire Rams offense is injuried.
• Real Life Impact: Josh must be soooo pissed because his team isnt as "sooooooo good" without him.

Duece McAllister:

• Skinny: Looks like Duece will not be loose for rest of the season with a torn ACL. This is the second torn ACL for McAllister and it might be end of his tenure in New Orleans as well.
• Team Impact: Ouch. Kevin now has Jones-Drew and Barber III as his primary RB's.
• Fantasy Impact: Reggie Bush finally becomes the primary back in New Orleans. However, if you are expecting him to run out of the "power-I" into the middle of a defense then he might be joining Duece on the shelf. Bush will have some very good games, but when he faces faster sideline-to-sideline defenses expect lower point outputs.
• Real Life Impact: Kevin's team seems doomed this year. We might be preparing him for the "Baghead" award already.

Shaun Alexander:

• Skinny: Alexander has a broken wrist, but will continue to play with a cast. I cannot see how he will be able to hold on to the ball. Expect some fumbles and lots of frustration here.
• Team Impact: Beer's has Cadallac Williams and LenDale White as potential fill-ins here if Alexander struggles. Neither is an exciting option.
• Fantasy Impact: Maurice Morris is one of those "backups you need to have", however, he's never really showed too much when given opportunities. Buyer beware.
• Real Life Impact: Somehow, Beersy always is in contention. I don't expect that to change unless there's another major injury on his team.

Kellen Winslow

• Skinny: Winslow injured his left shoulder, but is expected to be fine for the upcoming week.
• Team Impact: Beers have a viable backup in Alge Crumpler on his bench
• Fantasy Impact: Winslow is a large portion of the Brown offense. Expect more touches for Braylon Edwards and Joey J.
• Real Life Impact: See last comment under Shaun Alexander

Vernon Davis:

• Skinny: Mr. Underarmour has a sprained ligament in his right knee and will be shelved for two weeks. Davis is ultra-talented and ultra-frustrating.
• Team Impact: Need to pick up a TE
• Fantasy Impact: Do the 49ers have a backup for Davis???
• Real Life Impact: It's the TE position. Not going to lose sleep over it.

Carnac's back on Friday with more predictions.....

Hey VY, Time To Man Up!

This Sunday: You Will Witness History

They have always touted "4 Life." They ate at Buffalo Wild Wings twice in one road trip. Now, it's all on the line in a fantasy matchup of brutal proportions. It's the premiere of the Sunday Ticket HD Superfan chotchke at Scott's house. 2 men enter, 1 man leaves, and Mrs. SCZA is guaranteed to complain about something! BE THERE!



And remember, HISTORY BECKONS ME, YEAAAAH!

Carnac: Weekly Matchups

We're three weeks into the 2007-08 fantasy season and there already have been surprises;

• Erin/Eric are undefeated
• 7 teams are 1-1 along with 2006 Champ Josh
• Dan matched his entire 2006 win total after one week (thanks Isaacs).
• Kevin team is winless
• Josh hasn't said "Soooooooooooooo Good" 5,000 times yet.

Here are some interesting match ups this week;

Marital Matchup of the Week:

Hughes Your Momma (2-0) vs. Internet Predator (1-1)

• Analysis: The league's best and only undefeated team squares off with the 2006 Champ. The Predators will be praying that Steven Jackson plays up to his potential and that Frank Gore, Steve Smith, et al can have back-to-back good weeks. Carnac's thinking that "Momma" will not get another 50 point performance from Carson Palmer and that LT's one game scoring drought is over. Its a shame that "Momma" doesnt have a #2 WR this week either with Andre Johnson hurt.
• Prediction: Predators 118, Momma 109. Josh wins, but has to change diapers and sleep on the couch for a week. Like the artist formerly know as "Coach" used to say, sometimes when you win, you really lose.......

Best Friend Matchup of the Week:

Jerious Curls (1-1) vs. 4th and Lynches (1-1)

• Analysis: I really dont know what to say here because I am still in shock that Scott kept Jerious Norwood over TJ Houshmandzadeh. Some quick stats - Norwood 9 total points vs TJ's 29 total points. How's the that working out for you so far? Scott's looking for a bounce back week from his other stellar keeper and Madden curse candidate, Vince Young. On the other side, Derek's squad will be relying heavily on Joseph Addai and Marvin Harrsion to lead him to victory. Btw, Jason Campbell???? Interesting.....
• Prediction: Curls 89, Lynches 87....Scott wins this close on a last minute Vince Young score during Monday Night Football.

Best of the Rest:

NJ Thrillers (1-1) vs. Mak'n it Rain (1-1)

• Prediction: Rain 94, Thrillers 82....Mike's RB's are facing tough defenses while it almost has to be a breakout week for Reggie Bush. This could all change once Westbrook's MRI results come today.

Paper Biatches (0-2) vs. Money in the Bank (1-1)

• Prediction: Bank 102, Biatches 84....I wanted to call the upset here. I really did. But, sorry Kev, I think you're starting our 0-3. Owens, Moss and Burress might cover your score by themselves. I hope so, because Benson sucks.

Koolaid=American Hero (1-1) vs. Bringing Sexy Back (1-1)

• Prediction: Hero 120, Sexy Back 117....Both teams have decent matchups. I believe this is the week for my runningbacks to go nuts facing shitty defenses. Should be an interesting matchup.

Breakout Player of the Week: Adrian Peterson or Laurence Maroney
High Point Player of the Week: Reggie Bush
Disappointment of the Week: Marc Bulger or Travis Henry
Frustrating Player of the Week: Brian Westbrook

Rain Dance

Sing it Kuato!!!!!



Hoping Westbrook gets shut out tonight....

Oh Isaacs......

A reminder in case you've already blocked it out.
You lost, I won.



Who's Next?!?!?

Money In The Bank

This season is MONEY IN THE BANK Derek! I'll take my $100 in straight cash homey! No small bills either!

And now, a message from Terry Tate.....

Draft Day Absence - almost me

Scott and Dan Teach us All about Safety...

Can't We Just be Friends?!?!?

No, Greco, It's A Match Made In HELLLLLLLL!

A civilized response........

Greco... I'm Coming For YOU

Its almost that time.....

The #1 pick is officially on the block.....



See you all on Sunday.

Over/Under: TDs vs. Kids

Will Henry be as productive on the field as he is at philandering?



Broncos RB Travis Henry reportedly fathered nine children in four states
August 27, 2007
FREE PRESS NEWS SERVICES
Broncos running back Travis Henry been ordered to provide $3,000 a month for the Lithonia, Ga., boy he fathered out of wedlock three years ago, a DeKalb Superior Court Judge ordered, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The paper reported Henry, 28, has fathered nine children by nine women in at least four Southern states and has been ordered by various judges to provide child support for seven of them, according to court records.
AdvertisementThe Broncos signed Henry to a five-year, $22.5-million contract in March with $12 million in guaranteed bonuses."People can judge me all they want," Henry told the Denver Post. "But only God can judge me."A lot of stuff that's been put out there isn't true, but I'm not going to get into that right now," Henry said. "The important thing is I want to take care of my kids really and truly. It's all good."According to court records, the judge wrote that Henry displayed "bad judgment in his spending habits," dropping $100,000 for a car and $146,000 for jewelry. Henry fell behind on support payments for onechild. Threatened with jail, he borrowed $9,800 from his former team, the Tennessee Titans, to pay the bill, according to court records.Henry’s lawyer, Shiel Edlin, told the Atlanta paper, Henry wants to be a good parent. "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it, but he's a really committed father."

Billy trades Colston to Josh

Another trade has been made the weekend before Keeper Monday...

Crank it Down trades:

Terrell Owens, WR Dallas
Cedric Benson, RB Chicago
3rd Round Pick (#29)

to

Endzone Dancers for:

Marques Colston, WR New Orleans
5th Round Pick (#43)

Keeper Monday One Week Away!

And the home stretch begins...

Just one week until all teams must submit their four keepers. Keepers are due Monday, August 27 by 5:00pm.

All trades must be done by SUNDAY, August 26 at 5:00pm to allow for 24 hour league review.

Schedule is Set

Your hardworking (and handsome) Commissioner managed (during his vacation) to work around a couple glitches on ESPN's part to create a balanced schedule.

Two glitches kept coming up that I had to correct

1. Some owners played one owner in their opposite division TWICE while not playing another owner in their opposite division at all.

2. Some matchups repeated themselves over two consecutive weeks. While this is more acceptable, one owner could lose a pivotal head-to-head tiebreaker if one player were to get injured over a two week time.

Please go on the League site, check your schedule, if your schedule still has one of these issues or any other (besides "I don't play Greco enough") please contact me immediately.

Just kidding, Dan.

Josh trades Reggie Brown to Kev

Crank it Down Trades:

Reggie Brown, WR Philadelphia
2 Tenth Round Picks (#99 and #100) in this year's draft
Seventh Round Pick in next year's draft

to Newspaper Whores for:

Third Round Pick (#25) in this year's draft
Twelfth Round Pick (#116) in this year's draft

As always, teams have 48 hours to object to this trade.

Important: Draft Date and Site Announced, Moved from Tentative Date

ATTENTION ALL MAIN EVENT OWNERS:

The 2007 Main Event Fantasy Football Draft will be held Sunday, September 2 at 12 Noon at Mike Friedlander's House in Basking Ridge, NJ

We are grateful to Mike and Stacey for making their house available to us.

Any questions or concerned, please contact me ASAP.

Josh deals Edwards to Horse

Crank it Down has traded:

Braylon Edwards, WR Cleveland
10th Round Pick (91)

to I Love Bush for:

5th Round Pick (42)
7th Round Pick (62)

As usual owners have 48 hours to object to this trade before it goes final.

Happy Fag Day!

Defending Champion Josh Hughes turns 30 today!

Josh and his Wives Agree to Trade

Erin/Eric trade Cleveland WR Braylon Edwards to Josh for an 8th Round Pick in this year's draft.

This trade makes sense if:

Sex is involved (more likely from Eric)

or

Josh will try to deal Edwards once some magazine ranks him the #10 Projected Receiver in FFL.

This trade does not strengthen Josh's Keepers or provide Erin/Eric the cap room they desperately need.

Draft Day 2007

Greco's on the Clock...

Lynches and M*A*S*H Unit Agree to Trade

4th and Lynches and M*A*S*H Unit have agreed to the following trade:

M*A*S*H Unit receives RB Laurence Maroney.

4th and Lynches receives M*A*S*H's:
3rd Round Pick (21) this year
2nd Round Pick in 2008*
1st Round Pick in 2009*.

*If Maroney rushes for 1,000 yards the preceeding year.

All objections to the trade must be spoken of by the end of day Sunday May 20. 4 objections nullifies the deal.

Madden Coverboy is...

My Celebrity Look-alikes

http://www.myheritage.com

Erin Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Kevin Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

EZE Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Pancakes Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Josh Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Mike Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Derek Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Paul Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Paul Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Bill Looks Like

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Happy Birthday Kevin!

Happy Birthday to Newspaper Whores owner Kevin Leitzell!

Kevin finished just outside the playoff cut but returns Peyton Manning and Maurice Jones-Drew, assumingly next year.

If you're on Myspace, I know your birthday. If your birthday's on Tax Day or F(l)ag Day, I know your birthday. If neither is true let me know and I will give you a birthday shoutout as well.

The Main Event 2007 Offseason Primer

The Main Event
2007 Offseason Primer

What is this? Football? It’s February!- I know. Today is the start of the new year-round offseason. Included is everything you need to get your team ready for the offseason which starts today and ends the Thursday before our draft which will be on a date to be determined.

What is my Offseason Objective?- Your offseason objective is to by the Thursday before our draft have FOUR Keepers with a combined Keeper Cap Value of up to $45.

Who can I trade? When can I trade?- You can trade any and every member of your roster who was on the roster at the end of Week 13 (all transactions made after Week 13 have already been reversed) as well as any draft pick you have in 2007, 2008, or 2009. You can make trades between now and the Thursday before our draft and then once again after our draft starts.

What are my players “Keeper Cap Values”?- I have attached an up to date listing of every roster players Keeper Cap Value according to the guidelines explained by the Keeper Rules at the beginning of this past season.

Can I make a Conditional Trade?- While I discourage conditional trading for simplification sake, certain conditions are allowed and others are not. For example.

Derek trades Laurence Maroney to Scott for a Second Round Pick, if Corey Dillon is not on the New England roster at the time Keepers are announced, Derek receives a First Round Pick instead of a Second. This is Legal as the terms are clearly defined and easily determined.

Derek trades Laurence Maroney to Scott for a Second Round Pick, if Maroney becomes the starter, Derek receives a First Round Pick instead of a Second. This is Not Legal because terms like “starter” or “#1 back” are not always clearly determined.

When is our Draft Next Year?- Good question and one that is NEVER too early to ask. Saturday slots are at a premium. Our friend Bill gets married on August 11, so that date would be out obviously. Assuming he is on Honeymoon until at least the 18th, that would rule out that date. I know of at least one commitment one owner has the weekend of the 25th which makes that weekend problematic. I am not sure what anyone’s Labor Day weekend plans are but anticipate problems. Please let me know as soon as you can what dates in August you are available.